a guilt-free meat analog.
Avocados, rich in health-benefiting mono-unsaturated fatty acids, seemed like the
logical choice when scientists began to look for a real meat substitute. It had a creamy fatty texture that could
easily be translated into something meatier. The fear-mongering urban myth says that the
avocado was modified using maggot DNA but everyone knows that it was actually Tenebrio molitor and bovine DNA. The end result being a moist succulent flavorsome meat analog. When they first hit the
market you had people (usually dressed as Rosie de Avocado) demonstrating how to prepare the avocado steak. Silly, but fun! No one will ever forget the red and green holograms!
How to prepare an avocado steak
1.
Rub
off any remaining brown husk. Be sure to fully wash the outer layer, removing
any hairs or other stray bits. If not already removed, remove vestigial legs by pinch them as close to skin as possible.
2.
Place
the avocado steak fruit lengthwise on a secure surface.(Hint: Place a rubber mat on
your counter or cutting board to prevent slipping.)
3.
Hold
the avocado securely with one hand, the softer belly of the avocado steak
facing upward. Twist neckbulb until it can easily be pulled from the belly (You can get your dealer to do this)..
4.
Slice
slowly down the belly lengthwise around the tubercle, or ‘seed’, starting at
the narrower neckbulb end.
5.
Holding
the avocado steak in the palm of one hand, use your other hand to twist and
rotate the two halves apart. Do this
easily as the steak might slip away from the outer skin easily if it is very
ripe.
6.
Remove
any excess fat from the belly, as this is excellent when used to saute the
steak.
7.
Remove the tubercle, or ‘seed’ (or leave it in if you plan to
store one half) by slipping a spoon between the seed and steak. Gently work the
tubercle, or ‘seed’, out - taking away as much of the lining as possible (the
lining becomes nothing more than tough gristle when cooked).
8.
For ripe avocado steaks, the outer skin or peel is easy to
remove. Simply slice the avocado steak in half or cut into wedges.. Then grasp the outer dark layer or skin and pull it away from the inner
red flesh of the steak. If some of the darker almost black portions of the skin
remain on the red flesh of the steak, simply cut them away. The yellow to red
portions of the avocado steak are what you want. Most people prefer a dark orange-red flesh.
9.
Cook your avocado steak through and until the internal temperature
reaches 170°F. Well-cooked
avocado steaks are a medium gray (Hint: a proprietary browning liquid can be
purchased from most avocado steak dealers.)
10.
When preparing avocado steaks, be careful to prevent
cross-contamination by keeping your preparation area clean and separate from
other foods such as meat, poultry, seafood, fruits, vegetables or nuts. Be
mindful of other foods and surfaces they may come in contact with. Genetic contamination can also create rogue
genetic material on your kitchen surfaces. (Note: All genetic material derived from avocado steaks, present and future, is solely owned by American Biotech Consortium.)
Avocado steak is excellent when prepared with Fun-tatoesâ, which give you that authentic
meat-and-potato experience. Adding Air-Carrotsâ creates a delightful “potted roast” dish.
Personal note: My kids still sing the “Rosie de Avocado”
song from the HOLO-NET, while dancing the “BBQ Shuffle”.
Rosie de Avocado Song
I’z Rosie de Avocado,
And kidz, here’s my motto,
A
day without a steak,
Izza pure heartache,
So hold out yer plate
And have an avocado steak
(everybody then rubs their belly and shouts "GMO-IS-O-SO-GOOD!")
ãAmerican Biotech Consortium, 2031
ãAmerican Biotech Consortium, 2031
NEXT WEEK'S BLOG: Chicken Fingers and Scorpion Cabbage: Not just for Halloween anymore
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